Dog Cookies, Sequins and Sunglasses

As my former friend, hair critic, and soon to be Broadway star, Josh Smith,  pointed out...my parenting skills are flawed.   He pointed this out tonight in Barnes & Noble while leafing through a hairstyle magazine.  He claims he was trying to find a new style for me and was ranting about monthly placenta wraps,  a shaped cut, and a color found in nature.  I sort of looked around and absently asked where Emma was...after which Josh announced to the entire lower level of the Evansville Barnes & Noble that I had no parenting skills.

Listen!  I've been working all week with Emma's teachers to help her prioritize her school work!  Of course that was right after I contributed to Emma's truancy by allowing her to stay home from school for no good reason other than I was being a pill.  Yep.  I thinly veiled it in "She's got a sore throat" and Emma blew it the next day by telling her principal "Mommy let me stay home because I had a bad day at school the other day!"  Busted.

My parents never let me skip school.  I'm infinitely cooler than that.  (Stop judging).  It's not like I let her or the boys do it all the time, but from time to time I've been known to say  "okay...you can hang out with me today" for no other reason than it makes me feel good to do it and they think I'm a Flying Golden Goddess-like Queen of the Universe.   And what mom doesn't want THAT title?

Here's a snippet of our day on Wednesday...after getting Emma's hair cut, we walked down the strip mall to a little boutique dog store.   Since the chihuahua only has one eye that works, we thought we'd better get her a special treat.  Never mind that she weighs 14 pounds and should only weigh 4.   This little store is a dog lovers money pit.  Clothes, leashes , gourmet foods, toys galore and on a special table near the front of the store...dog bakery cookies.  Each one delightfully frosted and cut into cute shapes that dogs don't give a fig about but that make humans buy them by the dozen.  Well, we stopped short of buying a dozen, but Emma chose a cookie for each dog...then put them back and chose new ones....and then put those back and picked out more....and then....you get the idea.  She finally settled on a strawberry for the chihuahua, an ice cream cone for Sophie, and a pink iced crown proclaiming "DIVA" for Charlie.  Each was in a separate bag for the dogs and Emma agonized about whether she REALLY needed to wait for Tom before handing them over the to the dogs.  I dragged her, cookies and all, to the car and we packed up and headed off to....(drum roll)...THE GIRL STORE.

I promised Emma that we would go shopping for girl stuff.  I headed over to that little girl nirvana  "Justice for Girls".  Emma skipped next to me as we walked across the street to the store after we parked.  I was so excited because the store is just FILLED with adorable outfits.  I opened the door and pushed her a little ahead of me and cooed "Look!  Isn't it cool?"  She looked at me with a little disdain and said "It's a lot of CLOTHES".   Everything in the store is covered with sequins or glitter.  'Tween girl music videos play on several hanging flat screen TV's.  Emma spied a pile of big eyed stuffed animals on top of a rack of tiny camisoles and descends on them like a turkey vulture on a piece of carrion.  "MOM!!!".  I held up a sequin bedazzled shirt and said "LOOK!".   She held up a pink poodle with eyes the size of dinner plates and screeched "IT'S SO CUTE!!!".  I talked her into putting the dog down and we started exploring the store.   Every time I try to show her an outfit, she holds up something like a mood ring.  I find cute shorts, she popped up wearing birthday cake shaped sunglasses.   I find a cute t-shirt, she put on a sequined cowboy hat.  I hold up a dress, she comes around the rack wearing sunglasses this time that are spotted like Holstein cows.  I said "Emma!  Those are....um..."  She looked at me over the top of the cow glasses and said "MOM.  You're trying to hold me BACK." and stomped back to the rack of glasses.  Sigh.  I finally gave in and let her pick what she wanted.  We ended up with the pink poodle, a pink tie dyed purse, a pair of rhinestone studded flowered sunglasses and I talked her into one pink sequin bedazzled t-shirt but ONLY because it said "Dance Team!" on the front of it.

The clerk at the register smiled hugely when she gave me the total "84.67!".  I numbly handed over my debit card as Emma bounced up and down next to me waiting for her poodle with the huge eyes.  I had to smile.  I remember being her age...and how excited I would have been to spend a day like this...buying silly things that seemed so wonderful and even grown up.  In that moment, I knew that I'd have paid a thousand dollars for that poodle.  Emma put on her sunglasses with the tag still on, stuffed the poodle in her tie dyed pink purse and handed me the bag of clothes.  The big dog cookie presentation loomed large in her mind as she chattered while pulling me out of the store.  All was right in her world as she danced to the car with her new stuff.

Totally worth getting busted for contributing to her truancy.